(Source: harmony)
Dear customers,Yes, I am old enough to work here.
No, I am not the manger.
The bathrooms are in the back of the store in the shoe department, and don’t get all huffy and puffy because the walk is NOT that long.
Don’t just stand there and look at me, put your fucking groceries in the cart.
When I look you in the eye and say hello, do SOMETHING.
Keep your cat litter and water in the cart. I’m not picking it up and breaking my back. If you put it on my belt, I will scan it with my gun, and you will put it back into the cart from there.
Don’t complain about how tired or long your wait was, I can’t help the fact that you chose to go to walmart on a Friday in the middle of the night. The seas will not part for you, or anyone else.
If you don’t want me to ring something up, don’t fucking put it on the belt INTENDED FOR THINGS TO BE RUNG UP.
Get off the fucking electric carts if you don’t have a condition. There are people who actually need them, and you waist the batteries.
Thanks a bunch for shoving that meat in the back of that bread rack. I’m sure everyone loves the taste of salmenilla in their pb&j’s.
PLEASE GET YOUR KIDS AWAY FROM THE BAGGING AREA. If they hurt themselves, it’s your own fault.
No, I will not stop my line because you forgot to get something on the other end of the store.
Stay on the phone, I don’t want to talk to you anyway.
I’m a little white girl = NO HABLA ESPANOL
Fucking pick the change out of your own goddamn lint-covered filthy hands.
Dumb is never cute. I will cut you.
If I don’t laugh at your jokes it isn’t because I didn’t hear you or get it, it’s because I didn’t think it was funny.
Yes, I am tall.
No, I’m not standing on anything.
If you don’t bring the items in your order up to attention, I won’t sit there and try to put things together. I don’t have the time and I don’t care about your explanations of why you’re buying condoms and cucumbers. Before you said anything about it, I didn’t notice.
I honestly don’t care about you “rights as a customer”. This is America, and this is Walmart. Royalty does not exist, so get off your ass because I can guarantee you’re not sitting on a throne.
Don’t tell me how to do my job.
No, you did not buy alcohol from here past 12 just last week. Our registers reject it.
Yes, I did give you your receipt. I watched you crumple it up and put it in your purse. Good luck with that.
If you feel soooooo bad about me not being able to have weekends, why are you here?
GO AWAY
And for the love of God, use the dividers! Don’t get pissy with me when I have to void 10 things, because you still don’t know how to check-out like a decent person.
usually don’t agree with anyone at FoxNews, but God this is awesome…
always reblog
(Source: dontgetcomfortable)
The Defibrillator Toaster
My mom would be so annoyed… every morning I would run into the kitchen screaming “WE’RE LOSING THEM!!! BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP!”
“DON’T YOU DIE ON ME, DAMNIT!!! NURSE, WE NEED 12 CC’S OF CREAM CHEESE, STAT!!!”
He’s bread, Jim.
Time of deliciousness: 7:15 A.M
If we don’t restart his heart , he’s toast!
JESUS CRUST.
JAM IT!
“Daddy’s in a butter place now, kids.”
I WASN’T EVEN GOING TO REBLOG UNTIL I SAW THE SHIT TON OF PUNS
HES BREAD JIM
(Source: secretsbest)
#I have this headcanon #where andy comes back home every summer #and he visits the little girl #and they play with his old toys together#every summer #until she grows too old to love them anymore #and he takes them back #and hands them down to his own children #because they are andy’s toys#and they will stay with him and his family #forever
